找鞋子

發了一個很長很長的夢，正午十二時許，長眠引致腰背痛，痛醒了。醒來看見自己左腳撐起，右腿搭在左膝上。那個夢，對我來說，是挺緊張的。我在夢境裡不斷找尋我那雙鞋。

話說我無端回到中學母校去了，到了地理室，那就是中七時的班課。待了一回兒，到平台的洗手間去，不知為何，覺得那洗手間比以前鬼秘。進入第二間廁格，左邊的牆壁有一個防盜眼。我沒有探望過去，恐怕會看見不該看的東西。左邊牆壁，已安裝上廁紙架，還有廁紙提供。但看見那架對下的位置有幾滴血...

回到地理室，陸總突然出現了，他說要結婚了。我們一伙人進了他的屋子，我走到屋後近湖的地方。想想要送什麼賀禮給新人。想到了，要送一張畫給他們的新居，可是又不知道新人喜歡什麼風格。陸總邀大家出外，眾人都穿好鞋子，可是我找來找去，都找不到我那雙黑皮鞋。明明是在那裡的，為何不見了。眾人都看著我找鞋子，在地毯上，有幾十對沒人穿的鞋子。有好幾對都是黑色的，但通通都不屬於我。櫃底、門縫，室內各個角落我都找遍了，可是仍找不到。

陸總好心地拿了一雙籃色絨毛的鞋子給我，款色很好，也很合身，可是那是他太太的鞋子，我不好意思穿。最後仍是找找找，找找找，找找找...

很累

1. 天天處理忙碌的工作，天天隨時接新波...累累累...累得寫blog用point form.

2. 每天看文件的頁數比讀研究時要多...眼睛很累很累...

3. 要是實踐近期的計劃，會否帶給他們更不幸的生活？在這搖板上，唯有嘗試努力把它做好。

4. 喜歡時刻與你一起。

5. 很累，還要繼續準備明天開會的資料...

6. 很累，我的黑眼圈一直沒有消退的跡象...

7. 很累...

過去的遺照

在家休息，才留意到自己的過去。很多過去，因為現在而被遺忘了。
把現在放進櫃子，才留意過去被擱在一旁。
拿出過去，看看過去，想想過去。
把過去放在那裡，覺得可惜，又覺浪費。

最後給過去留下遺照，送過去到垃圾房，望有需要的人拾它回去。
又或者，由清潔大叔好好把它歸西去。

渾身是圓是褔

近日肚子胖得可怕，連褲子也快要拉不上了。
他說我很肥妹。

上星期遠足，走了五小時的路。
他一直守在我後面。突然趨前，說：妳好似小飛俠呀。
穿著牛仔短褲，一雙行山靴，加渾身是圓。
我很肥妹又很小飛俠。

他很愛我的肚子，他覺得肚子越大越好。因為那大肚子代表幸褔。
而他預測我將來會更胖，因為將來的生活會更幸褔。

感覺

近日，有很多感覺。

昨晚睡不好，在凌晨三時許，街上又傳來哭訴聲...
是感情故事第三集...
一個月前的第一集，那對男女在拖拉。
兩星期前的第二集，女子電話傳真情，說很愛他。
昨晚的第三集，告白真相，女子不再被愛，因為男子另有愛人。
我跟哥哥都認為，感情原來很脆弱的。

今天到元朗工作，看見很多凋零...
很適合做一個詳細的口述記錄...
多過一陣子，什麼都沒有了。

This is not a fairy tale

Read this article from CNN...
now...
Know more about the world...

***

This is not a fairy tale

There are some things you see, some things you hear that simply are unspeakable. In a hospital in the eastern Congo city of Goma, we met a little girl. She never said a word to us, she could barely look us in the eyes. When she did, her eyes told the story.

"She never says anything to men," one of the hospital counselors explained, and then she told us why.

The little girl was raped. Gang-raped. It was allegedly done by soldiers engaged in a complicated regional war that has claimed millions of lives. The war officially ended in 2003, but outbreaks of violence and rape continue. The girl is now five years old. She was raped when she was three.

I wish I could tell you this was an extraordinary event. I wish I could tell you she was the only child attacked. The hospital was full of rape victims, and the doctor had seen other small children victimized.

Because the rapes are so violent, women often develop fistulas -- ruptures in their vaginas or rectums that make it impossible to control bodily functions. A charity called Heal Africa was running this hospital, and the doctor said he was able to fix about 70-80 percent of the fistula cases, but of course some wounds never heal.

Heal Africa has opened up a residence for women with fistulas that can't be surgically fixed, at least not here in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. The women can't go home. Often they've been rejected by their husbands because they were raped. The stigma here is strong.

I met a woman named Angela. I can't stop thinking about her. She was raped by three men in front of her children. Afterwards they shot her, and she says they burned her baby girl. The girl is four now and has a massive scar all over her chest.

Angela's fistula was fixed, but her arm remains injured from the gunshot. Pscyhologically she's still devastated. To make matters worse, her husband kicked her out of the house.

"He heard I was raped," she said whispering. "And he just said, 'Go on your own, I don't need you anymore. If we lived together, you now might have HIV so you might infect me.'"

I didn't ask Angela her HIV status. I didn't think it was any of my business. Perhaps I should have asked, but she didn't volunteer it, and I felt like I'd already asked her too much.

The funding for the Heal Africa house comes from a non-governmental organization. They say their funding ends in April. It's not clear what will happen then.

"The only thing I need is some land so I can build a house," Angela said to me before I left. "I might die and I want my kids to have that castle. I'm hoping for a miracle."

There aren't many miracles in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. This is not a fairy tale, some stories don't have happy endings. Here the men who rape with impunity are rarely brought to justice. Women like Angela are expected to simply bear the pain.

If you would like to help Heal Africa in the work they are doing, you can log onto their Web site (http://www.healafrica.org/).

By Anderson Cooper

點滴

工作了一個月，忙。新工作新項目接踵而來。突然接到上頭電話：「jane，有新野跟。」又或突然被召入上上層的辦公室接order：「現在手頭上有什麼工作？這個比較急，希望兩星期內有報告。」幸而，有位經驗豐富的上頭，願意一起接波、回波、捱波。

每晚回家總覺得很累。這幾天回家，要睡半個小時恢復元氣才有精力洗澡。那疲累，可能是被高跟鞋搞成的，它要我每天加陪用力地上班下班。

連續兩天首腦會，發現上上上頭的思維挺有趣。當一位單純的首腦代表提問敏感的話題時，上上上頭希望表現得政治中立，但又不得迴避那simple & navie的提問。她唯有先表明身份中立，再表明純屬個人意見的態度，繼而表明非官方的立場，方說出自己的見解。

時間過得很快。

大澳遊

今天到大澳
發現他的白髮多了，聽說是受了氣而造成的... :)
發現那兒有很多老樹，老而彌堅...
發現棚屋，仍是棚屋，那兒的狗不是跑便是睡...
發現白雪公主徵婚了... 王子一直沒有去拯救她嗎？